The Chattering Guest

There is an English saying "make yourself at home." It is said to a guest whom you have invited over to your home. Interpreted literally, it could mean that the guest is invited to treat this home of the host like it is his own, and therefore the guest may be free to do everything that he usually does in his own home. Depending on the generosity of his host, the guest may, in reality, be limited in what he can actually do.

One limit that is never tolerated is for the guest to actually usurp the authority of the host, when the guest starts to think, behave and talk as though he is the host himself. This usually happens when the guest is close in relationship to the host, like being a sibling of the host, a child, an in-law, or even close friends. So close is the relationship that the guest takes for granted that he has the authority of the host, or he thinks the host wouldn't mind him acting like one.

Sometimes we have a guest that invites his own guests over to his host's home, for dinner or for a stay. We may have a guest that commits his host to doing something, or to using some of his host's facilities. These are carried out without the prior permission of his host.

Sometimes the unknowing guest jumps to respond on behalf of and in the presence of his host when the response should have been given by the host himself.

The great thing is that the guest is rarely in a position to appreciate that he has committed the gravest mistake in the eyes of his host. This kind of guest lacks the ability to understand his position, his environment and his host's feelings. And, there are actually quite a lot of such type of guests around us.

In Chinese, we refer to this unthinking guest as "喧宾夺主". The chattering guest who usurps the power of his host.