My Silver Cap

I earned a new cap today. I have now been married for 25 years. I have actually survived ... that long!

There must be very few marriages without some kind of difficulties, even those of people whose job is to advise others on marriages. In fact, as the society becomes more affluent, the higher is the divorce rate. This is borne out by the recent statistics showing China's divorce rate is on the rise, as its population enjoys rising standard of living. I think this trend hardly surprises. As both partners become economically stronger and independent, they want more authority to go with their economic clout. For one party to gain in authority, it must necessarily mean diminishing authority for the other party. So when both parties are more demanding in the relationship, it can only mean one thing, trouble in the relationship.

A few generations back, in Asian societies, couples got married through arrangement and agreement of their respective parents. Their marriages seldom ended in separation. It may not be possible to conclude if these arranged marriages made the couple more, or less, happy. Then more recent generations resist such arranged marriages, claiming that their future happiness would be pawned off if they accepted the wishes of others. They insisted on finding their own love and lifelong partners. Again, it is doubtful if today's self arranged married couples are actually happier with their marriages.

I have my fair share of marriage problems. However, at each difficult hurdle, we managed to focus on the larger objective of the relationship and put down whatever differences we have with each other. The younger children's presence certainly help to smooth out a rough ride. We want to give them a future as best we can. That starts with a good relationship in the family.

There is no point in looking back in one's life, unless it is to provide valuable lessons for the future. In this regard, let me say that my marriage is as good as any other.

I am well pleased today. Look at my new shiny silver cap.